Memento
by nxiro
Summary: Now why is it, I wonder, that everything still lingers here? / Five of Kaori Miyazono's features.
1. your hair

_1st movement: your hair_

* * *

Over the course of the time we spent together, I realized that I was always chasing after you.

As I walked behind you, I witnessed your every movement and trait clearly. I grew to love your golden locks that shone under the sunlight.

When we first met, your hair was tied up in a high ponytail that swung from side to side with a "swish-swish" sound when you turned your head. As you pulled me forcefully along to my purgatory and paradise, your hair flew in the wind in a way that only enhanced your beauty. Bits of cherry blossom petals were caught in your hair, but they fluttered free like ballerina dancers and fell to the ground, joining the other petals that lined the grounds next to the cherry blossom trees.

Usually, your beautiful, long hair cascaded over your back like a waterfall. Its waviness was reminiscent of the ocean, calming and relaxing, and so unlike the abyss I was familiar with. As you lifted a hand to tuck a piece of your hair back behind your ear with a soft smile, I was able to stare at one side of your face, and every single time, my heart raced in a way it never did before.

I didn't think you could get any more beautiful, but then you decided to step onto the stage. The stage lights shone brightly, highlighting your presence itself. A pure, white dress you wore, and you stood on the stage in your pink heels. Your hair was clipped back with a single flower pin that had the same color as your heels. In one hand, you gripped your treasure.

Your hair flew as you played the violin to your heart's content. You moved with such grace and emotion that your radiance blinded me. Your hair was like strands of gold from the heavens, and I felt so blessed to have been able to stay beside you.

That, however, didn't last for long.

As the days passed, your neat hair grew matted, and what was once a brilliant golden faded into a pale blonde. The ends of your golden strands started to split and look so fragile. They lost their shine and vibrancy, and it pained me endlessly to see its color fade day after day. Soon, they started to fall, leaving you and causing you more pain.

However, the moment you stood up once again and played the violin conjured up in thin air, I realized that you never lost any of your beauty. Just like before, your hair flew uncontrollably, freely, as you played. Your hair was wet with sweat as you finished, and when you fell into my arms, it tickled my hands slightly.

You may have lost your golden hair, but that didn't change your beauty.

The you standing amidst the snow was beautiful.

* * *

 **I've always wanted to write something for Your Lie in April, which is one of my all-time favorite anime. It's just such a heartbreaking story that I love so much. The chapters and the summary of this story takes the first line of lyrics of a song by Aimer called "Re:far", which is the song I used in a Your Lie in April AMV I made before. I hope you liked this, and are anticipating more to come.**

 **~nxiro**


	2. your fingers

_2nd movement: your fingers_

* * *

When you took my hand and led me towards the music hall, I didn't know you'd be leading me out of my purgatory.

"You should come too," you had said, gently. I could only stare at you in surprise, but you smiled and stepped forward, starting our journey.

I still remember the warmth of your hands. With your fingers clasped around my hands, you led me back to the origin of my childhood memories, step by step. Just like how my mother once held my hand to stop my nervous shaking, you took away my worries with your delicate fingers. No— it wasn't the same. It was a different kind of feeling from my mother. Her touch calmed me, reassured me, and stopped my nervous breakdowns. But you— you were something different altogether. Taking your hand made my heart speed up like a speeding jet coaster, plunging from an unthinkable height. My fingers tingled from the feeling of yours around them. I couldn't hide my surprise; you were simply unpredictable. But there was another thing that surprised me that day—

I never knew how soft a girl's hands could be.

You held on to my hand until we reached the hall. With a look of slight disappointment, you let go of me. Now that I think about it, I'm sure I had the same expression.

When you first stood upon the stage that was so familiar to me and held that violin in your hands, I didn't know what I was in for. I thought it was going to be just another ordinary violin performance. But when you played the very first note of Beethoven's Kreutzer, something within me changed. The piece you played was, without a doubt, Kreutzer, but it was no longer Beethoven's; it was yours. My mother's teachings of the need to play according to the sheet, what earned me the name of "Human Metronome", seemed to crumble into pieces. You were the one that broke me into a million pieces, and the one that reconstructed me from those very pieces. Violent and stubborn, holding a terrible personality, leaving the worst first impression, yet you… You were so beautiful.

When you stood upon that stage, you made the concert hall yours. You captivated everyone's attention just as if you had special abilities, and you produced a performance that changed a contest into a recital.

You were the one that pulled me back onto my feet. I had never felt as genuinely happy before during a performance as I felt when I played alongside you. You filled me up with a power that I couldn't describe, and that power would only overflow time and time again as I stood upon the stage.

"You have a pianist's hands," you told me once as you put your palm against mine. You didn't see how much my heart thumped as I felt the softness of your palm. It was true; compared to yours, my hands were much bigger. But yours was small, delicate, like a daisy in the springtime.

But just like the wind that ruthlessly rips away the life of a daisy, fate took away your treasure.

Your hand that once gripped the violin with such life and emotion fell limp at your side, and that was when you felt the despair crash down on you. We are musicians. We live and breathe along with music. Music was freedom itself, so what was life after losing the ability to play?

"A violinist that can't even hold her bow…is meaningless," you said, holding back the tears that threatened to roll down your cheeks. But you were wrong. You were the one that pulled me back onto the stage. You showed me how dazzling the spotlights were, how good it felt to hear the cheers of the audience, and how beautiful playing a piece according to your heart was. You taught me how to live again.

You guided me out of purgatory, so why did you go to heaven first?

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 **I swear, I fell in love with Your Lie in April all over again when I was writing this. I had to re-watch many episodes of the anime, and I experienced that feeling of heartbreak and love at the same time again. I just love this anime so, so much. I hope you liked this chapter, and thank you for reading.**

 **~nxiro**


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